Question

ことね

添削お願いします🙇‍♀️

年度 英語 15
[II] Write (VI)
opinions. Write your answer in about 100 English words, not counting punctuation
marks.
Mr. John Spence's opinion on e-bikes
My electric bike is one year old on Thursday, and it was a 75th birthday present. I
have only ever been a casual cyclist, but had given my old bike away, as my creaky
knees combined with living at the top of a hill-meant that I rarely used it. But with
my e-bike I feel so empowered. It is so easy to get around to do a few errands that it
often seems quicker than using a car and having to find parking. If anyone is tempted
by the idea, I strongly recommend giving it a try.
Ms. Liz Ormond's opinion on e-bikes
Mr. Spence's enthusiastic praise for e-bikes omits any reference to pedestrians.
There is no mention that they are more dangerous than other bikes. Can he tell us what
19 OC DE BESLOT ACAI BESI TE OF 0.8.
safety studies have been done in relation to pedestrians, particularly in shared space,
and what discussions have been held with organisations such as the Royal National
Institute of Blind People? Also, since the motors are effective enough to propel bikes
loaded with shopping and children, what effect would the additional weight have in a
collision with a pedestrian?
(Adapted from "Wheels of fortune: the pros and cons of e-bikes," The Guardian, May
19,2020)

Sove people argues that electric liber should not be used.
but I don't think
e-bikes
power climb
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are
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First,
easy
F-bikes help you with electric
bill which you have difficulty elimbing by carnal
leads
to less physical burden
Second, e-bikes
so
t
for the following reason
1
to move
park easily. There are more
parking
many bike parking
don't need
Finally
gas
friendly because they dost emit greenbruse ger suliber
They also help prevent global warming.
areas
• There are more bike parking areas than car
and most
parking
areas need fee while
e-bikes are
unlike cars and
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1

Answer 1

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ののののの

最初に、本番で精神的に負担にならない程度でいいから小文字のuとaとoとeがはっきり区別がつくように書くようにしてください。その他のアルファベットも、
例えばfとl（エル）とtとか場合によってはhとbとかpとかも
スペルミスは無いし、それを目ざとく見つけるようなレベルの大学じゃないと思いますが、
性格のひん曲がった大学教授が老眼を凝らして採点するので、「正しく書いてるっぽくも見えるけど間違ってるっぽくも見える書き方」を減点する可能性は捨てきれません。
念のため、なので無理しなくていいと思います。

文法のミスはたぶんないと思います。
一瞬気になったのは、これも別に間違ってないのですが
3行目末尾 help you with electric power climb a hill〜のところがwith electric powerを文中に挿入しているからhelp O with〜　という表現に見えてしまって
それだも意味的にもおかしいし後ろにclimb〜あるし
ん？って一瞬なりました。
いっそのことwith electric powerは省いても良いかもです。

内容的には基本的に片方の意見に乗っかっていて、
もちろんそれも悪くないかもしれないですが、
反対意見はあまり読みこんでないのかな、と
もしかしたら見なされてしまうかもしれないですね。
それを防ぐための戦略として
理由のfirstからfinallyまでの3つはもっと縮めてしまって、その代わりに反対側の主張で言われてる問題点（歩行者や視覚障害者に対して危なすぎる）をどのように解決するのかを書いてあげると良いと思います。
例えば、安全のための法整備は必要だ、とかでしょうか。
設問も、which〜?とは言ってなくて、write your opinionなので、どちらかに100%肩入れする必要はありません。

ことね

ありがとうございます😊

zmic

I will add that the word "people" is always considered plural, so "people argue", "the people of Japan are happy", ...

Also "e-bikes can park easily" should be put in the passive voice (受け身) since bikes can't park themselves.

ののののの

本当だ。三文法ミスは無いと思うとか言っちゃったけど単現のsとか全然見落としてましたね。
parkも確かに受動態にすべきですね。