Question

ゆる

1枚目の写真のTask1を参考に Task2でメールの返信を考える問題です🙇‍♀️
2枚目に私が書いたものがあるので文法や単語ミスがないか添削してほしいです
3枚目に評価する時に先生がよく見てるところを貼ってるので参考にしていただけると幸いです
すみませんがよろしくお願いします🙇‍♀️

Task 1
Read the ad below. Underline the qualities that Jenna is looking for in a roommate.
NEED A RESPONSIBLE ROOMMATE
I'm a 20-year old female history student at CUNY. I'm looking for a tidy and friendly
roommate to share a two-bedroom apartment near the university. The apartment has furniture,
Internet, and cable TV. We'll share a bathroom and a living room. The available bedroom is
large. The rent is $300 a month. The perfect roommate would also be a student. I have a small
dog, so you have to like dogs. I also can't take any other pets. If you are a smoker, you MUST
smoke on the balcony. I get along well with creative and knowledgeable people. I'm pretty
talkative and would be happy to live with a similar person.
Please send me an e-mail ([e-mail]) and tell me about yourself. I would
like to hear about your studies, personality, and why you would make a good roommate.
Jenna
Task 2
(00
Write an e-mail to Jenna (80-120 words). Tell her about yourself. The phrases below may help.
responsible
tidy
knowageable
pay the rent on time/clean up after myself all the time / know a lot of things /
like to have a good conversation/your own description
カンバセイション
Creative, friendly
TITELK

Unit 1
Date
Hi Jenna!
C
My name is
). I'm responding to your ad looking for a roommate.
I'm interested in taking a look at the room.
I'm a 18-year-old nursing student. I love dogs and would be happy
to live with a dog. I don't have pets, and I'm not a smoker, either.
I'm a responsible person, I always pay the rent on time. My hobby
is cleaning, so I can clean up atter myself all the time. I enjoy
reading and know a lot of things. I definitely like to have a good
conversation with my roommates. I play the guitar and draw, so
Im a pretty creative person.
Let me know it this sounds good. I think we would make good roommates
When would be the best time to see the room?
Best, C
)
Unit 2

Tips for better writing
1. 複文を避ける
2. 省略形を使わない
3. 否定ではなくI disagree with the idea.
I think driving is not a good idea...
4. 短文で書きながら 「接続詞」 「スピーチマーカー」を使う
(I don't think driving is a good idea...)
5. 受動態を避ける
6. 関係詞の使用は最小限にとどめる
7. シンプルに
8. 同じ単語の繰り返しを避ける