Question

りり

英検2級ライティングの添削をお願いします🙇

I think that more people will buy things on the Internet in the future for the following tow reasons. Firstly, costumers can buy things at a good price. In many cases, if they do not get things on the Internet shops, the price is likely to get higher and higher. However, by buying things on the it, they will buy things cheaply. Secondly, customers fell more convenient by using Internet shops. One of the reasons, they do not need to go out shopping. In addition, they can buy things anytime. In conclusion, I straggly agree with this opinion.

TOPIC
These days, some people buy things on the Internet. Do you think more
people will do so in the future?
POINTS
Price
Safety
Technology
208 st
【満点解答例】
I think that Internet shopping will become more popular in the future.
(S1) First, Internet shopping is very convenient. (Sla)Some people are very
busy during the day, so they do not have time to go shopping at regular
shops. ($1b) Internet shops do not close at night like regular shops do, so
people can shop for things whenever they like. (S2)
Also, Internet shopping
is often cheaper than buying things in stores. (S2) People always like
buying things cheaply, so they will start shopping on the Internet more
in the future.
(87語)

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

zmic

❌ tow reasons
✅ two reasons
________________________________________________________

costumer ≠ customer. costumer = 仕立て屋
❌ Firstly, customer can buy things at a good price.
✅ Firstly, customers can buy things at a good price.
✅✅ Firstly, customers can buy things at a better price on the Internet.
________________________________________________________

🟠 In many cases, if they do not get things on the Internet shops, the price is likely to get higher and higher.
✅ In many cases, if they do not get things on(from) an Internet shop, they will pay more in a regular shop.
✅✅ In many cases, customers will pay more in a regular shop than on an Internet shop.
✅✅ In many cases, prices are higher in a regular shop than on an Internet shop.
✅✅ In many cases, prices are higher in regular shops than on Internet shops.
________________________________________________________

❗ You use "however", but you say the same thing as before.
🟠 However, by buying things on the internet, they will buy things cheaply.
✅ By buying things on the Internet, they will get a better price.
________________________________________________________

❗ You say the same thing 3 times. This is not necessary.
1. Firstly, customers can buy things at a better price on the Internet.
2. In many cases, if they do not get...
3. By buying things on the Internet, they will get a good price.
________________________________________________________

❌ Secondly, customers feel more convenient by using Internet shops.
❌ I am/feel convenient <-- "convenient" is not used for people
✅ Shops are convenient
✅ Secondly, Internet shops are more convenient for customers.
________________________________________________________

❌ One of the reasons, they do not need to go out shopping.
✅ One of the reasons is that they do not need...
✅ One reason is that they do not need...
________________________________________________________

✅ In addition, they can buy things anytime.
✅✅ In addition, they can buy things at any time of the day.
________________________________________________________

❌ straggly
✅ strongly
________________________________________________________

参考になれば嬉しいです
✅ I hope this is helpful!

りり

すごく丁寧な添削ありがとうございます😊😊明日が英検なので本当に助かりました！ありがとうございます！