Question

も

英検2級のWritingです。
採点お願いします。

◆以下のTOPICについて、 あなたの意見とその理由を2つ書きなさい。
●POINTSは理由を書く際の参考となる観点を示したものです。 ただし, これら以外の観点から理由
を書いてもかまいません。
語数の目安は80語~100語です。
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TOPIC
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These days, many university students have part-time jobs. Do you think it is a
good idea for students to work while attending university?
POINTS
Fee
●Time
• Experience
北

I think it's
a
good idea for students to work while attending university.
hetore
They can learn with what
become
One
type of job is actually
reason
is that
fit
to them before
decide which
Company
and
can
company
find
other jobs
how to
can
learn
start the
they will
will app apply for. They might realize the job they
wanted to do actually doesn't fit them well.
fit to them
them more. Second reason is that they
that fit to
manage money.
money. Many people start living alone when they
graduate, and some might trust te struggle with many managing
before. Therefore, I think it's a
money that their parents many managed
good idea to for aniverstly students to work

Answer 1

みは

これで何語ですか？
もし100越えならこれでいいと思いますが、therefore は入れたほうがいいかと思います。

一般的なまとめ方ですが
I think〜 or I don’t think
(I have two reasons to support this opinion)
First〜　裏付け
Second〜　裏付け
Therefore I think〜　I don’t think

だとどうでしょうか
意見が思いつかなくてもそのほかで足せる部分があります！

あとはI don’t をI do notにするとかかな？
頑張ってください！

も

ありがとうございます！！

いつも100語超えてしまうので短縮系をよく使うようにしてたのですが、短縮系はあまり良くないのですか？