Question

凛

英検２級のライティングです。
添削をお願いしたいです😿

・ライティング・
These days, people are thinking more about manners in public.
places. Do you think that people using a camera
in public places.
should have better manners
should have
I agree with the opinions that people using a camera
better manners
in public places.
to support my opinion.
I have two reasons
Firstly, it is important for everyone to take care of
people around them.
For example
people want to take a
it is so dangerous to enter the line when
picture of the train.
Secondly, privacy, is the critical factors.
If personal information is exposed to the online,
it will be danger and scary.
reasons
For the
I believe that
better
manners
mentioned above..
people using a camera should have
public places.
in pu

英検 ２級

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

zmic

✅🟠 I agree with the opinions that people using a camera should have better manners in public places.
✅✅ I agree with the opinion that people using a camera should have better manners in public places.

____________________________________________________________

✅ I have two reasons to support my opinion.
✅✅ Firstly, it is important for everyone to take care of people around them.

____________________________________________________________

✅🟠 it is so dangerous ← spoken language
✅ it is very dangerous
✅✅ it can be very dangerous
❓ to enter the line ← I am not sure what you mean
✅ when people want to take a picture of the train.
✅ For example, it can be very dangerous to enter the line when somebody wants to take a picture of the train.

____________________________________________________________

❌ Secondly, privacy is the critical factors.
✅ Secondly, privacy is a critical factor.
✅✅ Secondly, privacy is a major concern when people take pictures in public.

____________________________________________________________

✅ If personal information is exposed
❌ to the online
➤ "online" = adverb or adjective. "online" ≠ noun
✅ I work online.
✅ an online shop
❌ the online
✅ If personal information is exposed online, ...
✅ If personal information is exposed on the Internet, ...

❌ it will be danger
➤ "danger" = noun
🟠 it will be a danger
✅ it will be dangerous and scary
✅✅ it could be dangerous and scary
✅✅✅ it could be dangerous and scary for the person involved.

____________________________________________________________

✅✅ should have better manners in public places.
✅✅ should have better manners in public.

____________________________________________________________
〜と思います

👍 Keep up the good work! 👍