Question

きえちゃん

英検２級のライティング対策です。
添削お願いしたいです🙇‍♀️文法やつづりのミス以外にも構成とか書き方のアドバイス等あれば教えて頂きたいです！あと、文章中のfuthermore,i think theyの後、don'tが抜けてました🙏🏻

補足
です。
す
時間を費やすべきだとは思いません。
2 次のTOPICについて、反対の意見とその理由を2つ書きましょう。 POINTSは、理由を書く
際の参考観点です(これ以外の理由を書いてもかまいません)。 語数の目安は80語~100語です。
TOPIC Some people say that the right to vote should be extended to 16-year-
old citizens. Do you agree with this opinion?
● Society
Politics
●Rights
POINTS

I think that the right to vote shouldn't be extended to
16-year-old-citizens, I have two reasons to support this opinions,
First, 16-years-old citizens don't experience many
things like shopping and working for themselves,
So they have no opinion to politics. To vote is too fast
for them. Futhermore, I think they have knowledges about
politics, They have no time to learn many!
about them. In fact, alots of them are high school
students. They are busy because of club activities, and
study for the test and so on, Because of two, I think.
that 16-year old citizens don't need to vote,