Question

凛

英検準一級のライティングです。

添削をお願いしたいです🙇‍♀️

Sould businesses provide more online service?
Nowadays, aging Society is a complex and
Controversial issue that has both positive
and negative effects on society.
In my opinion, providing more online survice
TS a positive force for the following two reasons.
Firstly, to make more confortable world is a
top priority providing more online survice Contributes
fo help elderly people to buy something, and
as a result it will enhance the
life.
t
Through this experience,
We
quality o
of
Can learn more
about Gastarinable world, and consequently we
boaden our horizens. 83
can
Secondly, protecting the environment is
Critical factors
a
In fact
it is said that Japan is falling
behind other countries in the developping online
it is possible that environmental improvement
our lives
However,
will make
provided, that the
financial
more
Coafortable
Survice,
that the government puts more
resources into promoting more online service.
no doubt
Given the reasons above, there is
that providing more online service is good. for our
World
153 100.

英検

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

ののののの

内容は全く問題ないと思います。
比較的単純な文法の誤り？というか気になったのは

第1段落
aging society 冠詞付ける anかthe

第2段落
more online service
→このmoreはmanyの比較級なので、
複数形のservicesに

contribute to のtoは、to不定詞ではなく通常の前置詞のtoなので、to helping

more confortable world 冠詞 aが良いと思います

第4段落以降
in the developing online service
theは要らないです。
それとこの部分やその先にも出てくる名詞serviceも、複数形のservicesにしたほうがいいと思います。

こんな感じでした

凛

ありがとうございます🙇‍♀️