Question

yyy

英作文の添削をお願いします。
これよりいい表現や言い回しがあったら知りたいです。

問題B. 次の質問に 80 語 (80 words) 程度の英文で答えなさい。 解答欄末尾の所
定の箇所に、解答に用いた語の数を 「 (83words)」 のように必ず記すこと。 ただ
し、ピリオドやコンマなどの句読点は語数に含めません。
昭準工
Describe an experience where you were successful or unsuccessful in
achieving your goal. What lessons did you fearn from this experience?
a). What less

entrance
B. An experience where I was successful in achieving
my goal is that I passed the enrolt exam of high
School. I was able to go the high scool that
I have wanted to go the most.
I learned from this experience that it is
important for me to be supported by many people.
My family cheered up me and my friends and
encouraged
teacher taught me how to study.
So I think that the presence of people close
me is the most important thing
to
83)

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

ジンくん

あなたの英作文はよく構成されていますが、いくつかの文法的な間違いや、より自然に表現できる部分があります。以下に添削し、修正の理由を詳しく説明します。

修正後の英文:

An experience where I successfully achieved my goal was passing my high school entrance exam. I was able to attend the high school I wanted to go to the most. From this experience, I learned that having the support of many people is important. My family encouraged me, and my friends and teachers taught me how to study. Because of this, I believe that the support of those close to me is the most important factor in achieving my goals.

詳しい添削ポイント:

1. “An experience where I was successful in achieving my goal is that I passed the event exam of high school.”

➡ “An experience where I successfully achieved my goal was passing my high school entrance exam.”
【修正理由】
• “was successful in achieving” は冗長なので、“successfully achieved” と簡潔にしました。
• “event exam of high school” は不自然な表現です。高校入試のことを指しているなら、“high school entrance exam” が適切です。

2. “I was able to go the high school that I have wanted to go the most.”

➡ “I was able to attend the high school I wanted to go to the most.”
【修正理由】
• 学校に行くことを表す場合、“go” よりも “attend” の方が適切です。
• “have wanted”（現在完了形）は不要で、過去形の “wanted” が適切です。

3. “I learned from this experience that it is important for me to be supported by many people.”

➡ “From this experience, I learned that having the support of many people is important.”
【修正理由】
• “for me to be supported by” は少しぎこちないので、“having the support of” に言い換えました。より自然な表現になります。

4. “My family cheered up me and my friends and teacher taught me how to study.”

➡ “My family encouraged me, and my friends and teachers taught me how to study.”
【修正理由】
• “cheered up me” は語順が間違っています。“cheer up” は「元気づける」ですが、この文脈では “encouraged me”（励ましてくれた）の方が自然です。
• “my friends and teacher” → “my friends and teachers” に修正。友達が複数なら、教師も複数の方が自然な流れになります。

5. “So I think that the presence of people close to me is the most important thing.”

➡ “Because of this, I believe that the support of those close to me is the most important factor in achieving my goals.”
【修正理由】
• “So” はカジュアルすぎるので、“Because of this,” に変更しました。
• “the presence of people close to me” は少し曖昧なので、“the support of those close to me”（身近な人々の支え）としました。
• “the most important thing” よりも、“the most important factor in achieving my goals” の方がより具体的で伝わりやすくなります。

まとめ:

修正後の英文は、より自然で明確な表現になっています。特に、語順や動詞の選択に気をつけると、より流暢な英語になります。ぜひ参考にしてください！

yyy

ありがとうございます！！