Question

そら

英検二級のライティングですが減点されるならどこですかね…？？

When people want to watch movies or dramas, many of them use online video services on their TV, computers and smartphones. What are the reasons for this? With online video services, people can watch their favorite movies and dramas without buying or renting DVDs. Also, they can choose from so many different movies and dramas. However, some people say too many choices can be bad. Others cannot stop watching many episodes of a drama. As a result, they are too tired the next day. Also, online video services often stop playing when the Internet connection is bad. This can cause a lot of stress because people need to wait for the video to play.

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Many people are using online video services on their electriction . By doing this, people can watch their want to see movies and dramas at a lot of places, such as at home, at coffee shops, or on trains. But, they watching many episodes of a drama. By doing so, they will have many problems. （54）

目安は45-55語

Answer 1

ののののの

But, they watching many episodes of a drama.
だと、このbut以下の文がマイナスのことを書いている感じにならないです。
プラスの内容の後ろにbutって書いてあるから、マイナスの内容が来るはずなのに、
たくさん見れるんならええやん　ってなるので。
too many とするだけで印象が変わると思います。