Question

き

添削お願いします。🙇‍♀️

[4] Read the instructions and write a well-organized answer in English. (50 points)
Partly due to the recent spread of the new coronavirus, some museums, especially
small and medium-sized facilities, have been forced to close their doors or restrict
admission to their facilities. A survey conducted by the Japan Association of
Museums in 2021 revealed the severe business conditions of museums nationwide.
ETTU However, museum education* has a lot to offer to the public at large Describe a
no single specific thing the museums can offer to the public that contributes to the
improvement of their lives. Explain your idea in detail in about 100 English words.
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museum education*: Museum education program means utilizing the resources
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museums
I think that the
learn
To
the art
For example +
holding the
it the museum's take place
the famous artists' works which
special exibitions.
of
the citizens
museums may be
able to
we usually cannot
and the
will be interested in them
solve the severe business conditions.
spur
the citizens' creativities
Hence the
Plus, the resouces of the art
will
and contribute to the improvement of their lives.
museums. Should
hold
the special exbitions.
exbitions more than
now
〔4〕 (50点)
the citizens
provide the opportunities for
or history
the exibitions
See there
can
science
受験生語数記入欄 (
9-3 words)
〔4〕 得点

英語 英作文 添削 受験

Answer 1

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

zmic

👍 Your text is well written and there only a few mistakes. Please refer to the image that I include.

△ ... by holding the special exhibitions.
👉 At this point, nobody has said anything about special exhibitions. It's a new element in your essay. So for a native listener it is strange that you say "the". The native listener thinks "Wait, what special exhibition are you talking about?"
✅ ... by holding special exhibitions.
✅ ... by inviting the President of the USA. → This is OK, because there is only one president of the USA.

△ For example, if the museums organize the exhibitions of famous artists' works...
👉 you are still talking about exhibitions in general, so you still cannot use "the"
✅ For example, if the museums organize exhibitions of famous artists' works...

△ exhibitions of the famous artists' works
👉 Again, you have not mentioned "famous artists" before, so "the" sounds strange.
✅ exhibitions of famous artists' works
✅ exhibitions of works of famous artists
✅ exhibitions of works by famous artists

👉 for a general truth, you can use singular instead of plural:
✅ For example, if a museum organizes an exhibition of the works of a famous artist which we usually cannot see there, the public may become more interested in art and the museum may be able to improve its financial situation.

👉 The use of "citizen" is a bit formal, and when you keep saying "citizens", it almost sounds like tourists or foreigners are not welcome. Instead of "citizens" you can just use "people" or "the public".
✅ opportunities for the public
✅ will spur/stimulate people's creativity.

👉 Art, science and history are very big topics, so it's a bit strange to say "to learn art" or "to learn science", as it is impossible to learn all of it.
△ to learn science
✅ to learn about science
✅ to learn more about science
✅ I learned 10 new kanji today
✅ to study science

❌ The museums take place exhibitions
✅ The exhibition takes place in the museum.

👉 Don't be afraid to just use "of" instead of "'s", for example:
exhibitions of the works of famous artists

👍 This is all I can think of now. I hope this helps. The best way to improve writing is to read English books!

き

Thank you! I will do my best✨✨