Question

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この英作文を添削していただきたいです。
英検準一級の練習問題です。
問題)Agree or disagree: Japanese companies should hire more foreign workers.
ルール)・四つのポイント(aging population, costs, culture differences, globalization)の２つを使って書く
・introduction, main body, conclusion の形をとる
・120-150単語で書く

私の解答)
I think that Japanese campaniese should hire more foreign workers.I have two reasons to support my opinion.
First, Number of Japanes aging population Keep to increase. In fact, number of Japanese workers also decrease, Therefor they have to work more hard than the past. We need more foreign workers to get better work styles.
Second, In the world, Globalization has been improving. So lot of foreign people come to Japan for the trip. Then, If there are many foreign workers in Japan, we can comunicate with foreign country more Smoothly.And foreign people can come to Japan more easily because they don't have the proplem of the language.
In condering the reasons mentiched above, It is important for Japan to hire more foreign workers.(121 words)

英作文 添削 英検 英検準一級 ライティング

Answer 1

omochi

　I think that Japanese companies should hire more foreign workers. I have two reasons to support my opinion.
First, the aging Japanese population is increasing. In fact, the number of Japanese workers has also decreased, therefore they have to work harder than in the past. We need more foreign workers to get better work styles.
Second,the world is becoming more globalized. Recently, a lot of foreign people are coming to Japan for the trip. If there are foreign workers in Japan, foreign visitors will be able to communicate with foreign more smoothly. That will make more foreign people visit Japan because they don't have the problem of language.
Considering these reasons mentioned (stated) above, I think it is important for Japan to hire more foreign workers.

2つ目の理由は添削者が理由を理解するのは少し難しいのでより、文章をわかりやすくしてみました。
最後はfor these reasons stated aboveと書いてもいいと思います。
参考になれば、嬉しいです！