減点されるとすれば、
〜食物さえ の(さえ)が英訳に入ってないこと
〜死ぬが英訳に入ってないこと
Millions of people in the world who can’t even buy enough food to live are dying of hunger.
Millions of people around the world are dying of hunger because they can’t even afford to buy enough food to survive.