英語
高校生
解決済み

英作文の添削して頂きたいです!
wonderという映画のあらすじです。

It's the story of a boy who has a disability.

His face has become deformed by the disability because of that he has been hospitalized many times.

He always wears a helmet to hide his face.

When he was in grade three of elementary school,his parents decided to let go there.

However,he gets bullied by his appearance at his school.

At the time like that,he is supported by his family.

And he graduates from school.

長くて申し訳ないです、お願いします🙏

英作文

回答

✨ ベストアンサー ✨

It's the story of a boy who has a disability.

His face has become deformed by the disability because of that he has been hospitalized many times.

disabilityの話は1文目でしてるから
His face had become deformed because he has been hospitalized many times.でいいと思う、becauseのところはシンプルでいい気がする

He always wears a helmet to hide his face.
⬆️最初にthat is why に入れるとわかりやすい

When he was in grade three of elementary school,his parents decided to let go there.

However,he gets bullied by his appearance at his school.

At the time like that,he is supported by his family.
⬆️at the time like thatの所がちょっとよくわかんなかった、文意取れなくてごめんなさい
And he graduates from school.
⬆️あらすじの説明はわかるんだけど、それで学校を卒業しました、だとん?ってなる(どこが面白い話なんだろうってなる)から卒業できるのでしょうか?とかの方があらすじとしていいなと思う

ふたつも本当にありがとうございます( ; ; )

And he graduates from school.
を変えて、彼は卒業できるのでしょうか?とする場合、
Can he graduate from school? で大丈夫ですか、、?

質問沢山申し訳ないです🙇‍♀️

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