Question

🐱 ※プロフィール見て欲しいです🙇‍♀️

この英作文の添削をお願いします！
私は2番を使って答えました！

よろしくお願いします🙏

▼ Answer in a short essay between 120 and 150 words in English.
ということが起こる
(
Which of the following is closest to describing your aim in life? Choose
ONE. Explain with at least two reasons why it is important to you.
1. To build strong relationships and live for others
2. To be successful in my business or career
3. To seek personal growth and development
4. To live a healthy and active life
5. To follow my own dreams, not others' expectations
とする。
し

I think it is important for my life to be successful
in my business or career. I have two reasons.
In the first plase, if I succeed in my business or
place
Career
1
a lot of money. By doing so,
can earn a lot of
I can do everything such as going everywhere and
getting everything. It connect with
my
welfare.
Also, if I should suffer from disease, I can spend
I enough money to treat it. I will live with my
healthy body. In the second plase, making it in my
place
business and career will not only achive my happiness,
but also my family too. If my partner know that I'm
family. We will
live happily. Therefore, we should make effort
a precident, he can be proud of our
to success our job. (120)

Answer 1

✨ 最佳解答 ✨

あ

帰国子女で感覚での添削しかできませんが良ければ。

まず、全体的によく書けてると思います。文法もほとんど大丈夫です。
気になったところでいうと、"It connect with ..."の所は、"It connects with ..." ではないでしょうか。
それと、したから三行目の"precident"は大統領の意味の単語でしょうか。だとすると、正しいスペルは"president"になります。

たいした添削ではありませんがお役に立てたら幸いです

🐱 ※プロフィール見て欲しいです🙇‍♀️

助かります！ありがとうございました！