Question

yyy

英作文の添削をお願いします🙇‍♀️
もっといい表現や言い回しがあったら知りたいです。

問題B. 次の質問に100語 (100 words) 程度の英文で答えなさい。 解答欄末尾の
所定の箇所に、解答に用いた語の数を 「 (102 words)」 のように必ず記すこと。
ただし, ピリオドやコンマなどの句読点は語数に含めません。
These days being famous on YouTube is something young people want to
do. Do you think becoming a YouTuber is a good career choice? Provide
reasons and examples to support your opinion.

○良くない B. I think that becoming
○批判的
なコメントを
もらうことも多い
→容姿はど
→心に良
口良い面もあるか
悪い面の影響か
大きい
○収入が
安定しない
可能性がある。
private
○プライベートが
ない
様々なことを
知られる。
多くの人に
a
YouTuber is not a good.
career choice for two resons.
The first veason, It,has a great negative impact.
They often receive critical comments to their face
and body, it is bad influence for them to be critiz
Also, They are known themselves identify to
many people.
The second reason, YouTuber is difficult job.
Thein income is not stable. If you become
a Youtuber and you cannot become popular, you could
not make money.
Therefore I think that becoming YouTuber is not
a good caveer choice.
(92)

Answer 1

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taka

文章の構成はよく出来ていると感じます。若干の修正をすれば、更に良くなります。
参考にしてください。
・I think becoming a YouTuber is not a good career choice for two reasons. 〇
→ I don’t think becoming a YouTuber is a good career choice for two reasons. ◎
・The first reason, It has a great negative impact. → The first reason is that it has a great negative impact.
・They(S) often receive(V) critical comments(O) to their face and body, it(S) is(V) bad influence(C) for them to [be criticiz](受動態?? 綴りが間違いcriticiz→be criticized). ※SVとSVをつなぐ接続詞がない
→ YouTubers often receive critical comments about their appearance, which is a bad influence on them. They may feel pressured or insecure.
ユーチューバーは容姿について批判的なコメントを受けることが多く、そしてそれが彼らに悪影響を及ぼします。プレッシャーを感じたり、不安を感じたりするかも知れません。
・Also, They are known themselves identify to many people.
→ In addition, their personal information may become widely known. 更に、彼らの個人情報が広く知られる可能性もあります。
・The second reason, You Tuber is difficult job. → The second reason is that being a YouTuber is a difficult job.
・Their income is not stable. 〇
・If you become a Youtuber and you cannot become popular, you could not make money.
→ If you become a YouTuber but do not become popular, you cannot make money.
・Therefore I think that becoming a YouTuber is not a good career choice.
→ Therefore, I believe that becoming a YouTuber is not a good career choice.
【別解答】
I don’t think becoming a YouTuber is a good career choice for two reasons.
First, it can have a negative impact.
YouTubers often receive harsh comments about their appearance, which can make them feel insecure or pressured.
ユーチューバーは容姿に関して厳しいコメントを受けることがよくあり、そのため不安やプレッシャーを感じてしまう可能性があります。
Moreover, their personal information can become widely known, which is dangerous.
しかも、その個人情報は広く知られることがあり、それは危険です。
Second, being a YouTuber is a difficult job.
Their income is unstable, and if they don’t become popular, they might not make enough money to support themselves.
収入は不安定で、もし人気が出なければ、生活していくのに十分なお金を稼げないかも知れません。
For these reasons, I believe that becoming a YouTuber is not a good career choice.

yyy

ありがとうございます！！

yyy

If you become a YouTuber but do not become popular, you cannot make money.
この文のcannotはなぜcouldではないんですか？
また、最後の文で、
Therefore, I believe that becoming a YouTuber is not a good career choice.
なぜthinkよりbelieveの方がいいんですか？
解説していただけると嬉しいです🙇‍♂️

taka

My pleasure!😊

taka

①この文のcannotはなぜcouldではないんですか？ →　could は間違いとは言えません。では、なぜ could にするのでしょうか？
参考：If you became(過去) a YouTuber but [did not become](過去) popular, you could(過去) not make money. ＜仮定法過去＞
②最初の文で think を使っているので、それを避けました。＋ △I think＋否定文/〇I don't think＋肯定文、〇I believe＋否定文

yyy

ありがとうございます！！

taka

You're welcome!😊