Question

バタフライ

テストの問題で英作文があるのですが，上の部分が先生のお手本と，条件が書いてあります。下に私の英作文を書いたのですが，条件に沿って添削してください。(テスト近いので至急お願いします！)

I
would
like
to
(0 point)
talk
about
my
mother,
Saori.
She
is
46
years
old
10 words
and
she
is
very
kind
(0 points)
to
me.
She
is
a
20 words
nurse
and
works
at
Midori
(2 points)
Clinic
on
Monday,
Tuesday
and
30 words
Friday.
She
bought
me
this
(4 points)
new
pair
of
basketball
shoes
40 words
before
(6 points)
my
big
game.
She
always
supports
me
and
comes
50 words
(8 points)
to
my
games.
It
always
makes
me
feel
relaxed
when
60 words
(10 points)
she
is
there.
1マスに1単語書くこと/コンマ・ピリオドは語数にｶウンﾄしないのでマス内へ。
●
・字数制限を超えないように。 1. 基本情報 (誰関係) 1point/2. エピソード (出来事 )
2points/3.
2points
ふりがな
HR No.
Name in Japanese
I would like to talk about
my
brother, Kiruto.
Points
He is 13 years old junior high school student.
He plays basketball in junior high school when he
,,and, he
activity last month, he
went to outdoor
• play it very well...
bought me a pen. We fight a lot, but when
get along, we study and play to gother and relax with each other.