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請問大家英文作文有哪些地方需要改進?

、 pools long as I 二、英文作文(20%) 10月 ( 2010) 2018/159) soliu102 0109 說明:1. 依提示寫一篇英文作文 2.文長約120 至150 個單詞(words)。 2012015 一 提示:美國詩人Langston Hughes 曾經說過:「Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.」你同意他的觀點嗎?請寫一篇英文作文 | 2.1 ,第一段請寫出你對夢想的看法以及你的夢想是什麼,第二段則請你描述要如 一。 | 何實現它。 bhalo 詳細解說請參見解答本 p.6
them agree Langston Hughes's aspect. If people have no dreams, they would be feel depressed in any moment. Therefore, I thought dream can give people hope and brave, which made pay more efforts to achieve their goals. My dream is be a songwriter, because I believe my music can give people happiness and positive energy. Through the power of music, I immersed in the joy and peaceful atmosphere, so I deeply assumed that my dream was be songwriter In order to achieve my dream. Frist, I have to improve my music knowledge and skill. In addition, I need to pay more attention to practice piano and get over difficulties when I feel frustrated. So, I make effort to produce more my songs and create diverse music, which improves my the writing song. In this way, I can further reach my dream, skill of
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คำตอบ

綠筆是可以改善的
紅筆是有錯誤
你先看看知不知道怎麼改 不知道的可以問我
然後結尾有點太簡單了 文章有種突然斷掉的感覺

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