Question

めかぶ

【英検準1級英作文】
英検準1級の英作文を添削して頂きたいです。自分でも添削してみましたが、分からない部分がいくつかあります。特に、黄色のマーカーを引いた部分の英語の使い方が合っているか教えて頂きたいです。また、他にも間違えがあれば教えて下さい。加えて、英検準1級に受かった方で点数を取るためのコツなどがあれば教えて頂きたいです。よろしくお願いします。

Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
Suggested length: 120-150 words
TOPIC
Agree or disagree: The number of foreign workers in Japan will
increase in the future
=have a qreater need
高館
●Aging society
Unpopular jobs
POINTS
age…年を取る
Unemployed Japanese
DIncrease in tensions
繁張

Iagree that the number of foreign people who work in Japan
will increase in the future.I have two reasons.
First, they engage to unpopular jobs. Japanese workers dislike
to engage to unpopular jobs. For example, Japanese workers
don't want to do works like helping old people or building house
because these works will make them tired. This is why Japan
need foreign workers.
Second, most of foreign workers are good for work with their
age. Japan have a lot of old people and few children, so there
are lack of workers. Therefore, foreign workers are good for
aging society. Also, Japan need more help of foreign workers
because there are a lot of old people to help.
For those reasons, I think that the number of foreign workers to
come to Japan will increase in the future.

-becanse
立場を表明する+POINTS から2つを取リ上げる
Iagree that the number of foreign people who work in Japan
will increase in the future.I have two reasons.
☆o begin with …まず be engaged{in ~
First, they engageto unpopular jobs. Jápanese workers dislike
に従事する
take care of elderly perple
long
foreign' werkers
to engege to unpopular jobs. For exdmple, Japanese workers
don't want to do works like' helping old people orbuilding house
because these works will make them tired. This is' why Japan
need foreign workers.
少数の~しかない
Construction
☆ moreover さらに
→大部分の
Second, most of foreign workers are good for work with their
age. Japan have a lot of old people and few children, so there
are lack of workers. Therefore, foreign workers are good for
aging society. Also, Japan need more help of foreign workers
because there are a lot of old people to help.
☆therefore …花って
For those reasons, I think that the number of foreign workers to
come to Japan will increase in the future.

英検準1級 英作文

Answer 1

✨ 最佳解答 ✨

n8q

あんまり関係ないんですが、ミスしにくい表現と単語で書くといいですよ！
後 I have two reasons よりも I have two reasons that support my idea
とかを使って書いた方が文字数足りない時に救われます！
英検準一のwritingはspeakingでされる質問と似てます！
色々な時事問題について最低でも3つの理由を言えるようにしておくと2次対策にもなります！
マーカーを引いてあるところはたぶんですが大丈夫だと思います(少し気持ち悪い表現ですが…)
英検頑張ってください！

めかぶ

ありがとうございます！細かく教えて下さりとても助かりました。語数が足らずに困っていたので参考にさせて頂こうと思います。