Question

お

英検二級のライティングを一枚目のお題の解答として二枚の作文を作りました。
ライティングはすごく苦手なので何かアドバイス、改善点、また受かる可能性など教えて欲しいです。
お願いします！

TOPIC
Some people say that young people today should spend less time playing video games.
Do you agree with this opinion?
POINTS
Entertainment
● Skill development
Technology

I think younger people today should spend
less time playing video games for the
following two reasons.
First, playing video games is entertaining
because today's games are a lot of kinds of
genres. But this time is so wasted. If you are
not playing video games, people can do other
activities such as skill development and so
on.
Second technology like videogames will be
developed every day. By contrast, our health
may cause health problems.
In conclusion, I agree with this opinion.

英検 2級