Question

哉

英語です。添削お願いします。((複数枚写真ありますが、一枚だけでも添削していただけると嬉しいです))

※秒数測ってやっているので雑字ですいません。
裏紙使っているので見づらいかもです。

They're all in the same class this year.
Tina says. "How was your trip to Korea?",
Hajin says " It was great!" He went to
Busan. He visited his grand parents. Also
He saw his friend in Seoul.
SJ MONS
att
S
4
Hajin comes out of the library,
He was studying Japanese He thinks.
Kanji is very difficult.
H
Eri aske him thebasketball Tournament
coaching. He accepts the offer.
Hajin is keeping diary at home
They're all in the same class this year.
They like his gifts from Korea.
Eri asked him the basket ball coaching
It was surprised. So
He accepedtoffer
hr

A3.0
Ax
They're talking about basket ball
Tournament at the gym.
Kota isn't good at passing the ball.
Because he is beginners.
Kota and Tina Talk on the
way
home
Kota is nervous. So Tina says,
You did
a
great!!
He is glad to hear that.
Their team need more points.
Hajin wants to shoot. So kota
tries to passing the ball to Hajin.
He can pass the ball
Their team won the game
They did a great job. Tina thinks
"Practice makes progress"
Mr. Hoshino is sure Kota likes to
play basket ball now.
P

They're talking about summer vacation plans
Tina's going to Singapore This year.
Because her friend David is going to
visit his relatives. He invites Tina.
Kota would like to go to singapore..
So Tina
Together
says." You go to singapore
Kota deside to go to singapore with she
Kota read an email. Because It will be hot
next week in singapore, he has to
Sunsclen and sanglasses.
A
SKIFOA-*
10%*NO
They arrive the airport. They meet David.
The flight was scary but exciting for Kota
He want to see the city. So He will
Show them around
201L
Ad.0

Answer 1

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Pengguna Clearnote

一枚添削します
Hajin comes out of the library のところですが、この場合はcame out を使用したほうがいい思います。
Eri ask him the basketball coaching. He accepts the offer ここは、asks him about the basketball coaching などにしましょう。オファーだということも分かりにくいので、教わる人が誰なのかなどを書けば分かりやすいと思います。
Hajin is keeping diary ここは、 a diary が適切です。
It was surprisedこれはどのような意味にしたいのかによりますが、heが驚いているのなら、he was surprised になります。また、びっくりする内容だった、と言いたいならit was surprising になります。
They like his gift from Korea ここは、以下の文を見ると、全て過去形になっているので、likedがいいと思います。部分的にasked 、surprisedなど、はっきりと過去形を使っています。しかし、saysなどを使っている部分もあるので、合わせた方が自然になります。例えばsaysを saidなどです。
あとは、基本的に短い文章を使っているので、組み合わせて長めの文章にするときれいにまとまって、強い文章になると思います。

哉

ご丁寧にありがとうございます！