Question

nana

My favorite person is Florence Nightingale. This is because,she did some great things.
For example,she helped many people in the Crimean War. She devotedly cared for the soldiers.
Also,she founded a nursing school and created the basics of nursing. What impressed me was her actions like this. When I heard this story,I thought it was amazing to do something for others and I also want to do something for people.
Therefore,I like the nightingale who did wonderful things for others.

好きな人(偉人など)についての英作文です。
・目的格の関係代名詞
・what~me
この2つを使用しなければいけません😖

目的格の関係代名詞を使えていない気がします。。
あと、内容が薄い気がします。。
添削?とかお願いします！！😢😢

Answer 1

✨ Jawaban Terbaik ✨

zmic

Your text is well written and the contents is fine 👍. There are only a few mistakes.

👉 Please put a space " " after each comma!
❌ For example,she
✅ For example, she
❌ this story,I thought
✅ this story, I thought

❌ This is because,she did some great things.
✅ This is because she did some great things.

✅ My favorite person is Florence Nightingale. This is because she did some great things.

✅ For example, she helped many people in the Crimean War.
✅ She devotedly cared for the soldiers.

✅ Also, she founded a nursing school and created the basics of nursing.
✅✅ Also, she founded a nursing school and established the basics of nursing.

❌ What impressed me was her actions like this.
✅ What impressed me were actions like this.

✅ When I heard this story, I thought it was amazing to do something for others and I also want to do something for people.

❌ Therefore, I like the nightingale who did wonderful things for others.
✅ Therefore, I like Florence Nightingale, who did wonderful things for others.

If I understand correctly, an example of "目的格の関係代名詞" is:
→ She{=S1} is{=V1} a person{=C1} whom{=O2=目的格の関係代名詞} I{=S2} admire{=V2}.
→ She is a person whom I admire.

My favorite person is Florence Nightingale, whom I admire because she did some great things for other people. For example, she helped many people in the Crimean War. What impressed me was her devotion in caring for the wounded soldiers.
Also, she founded a nursing school and established the basics of nursing. When I heard this story, I thought it was amazing to do something for others and I also want to do something for people.
For these reasons, Florence Nightingale is my favorite person.

nana

ありがとうございます！！とても丁寧に教えて頂き、助かりました！！！！！