Question

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英検2級のライティングの添削をしていただきたいです💦お願いします🙇

●以下のTOPICについて, あなたの意見とその理由を2つ書きなさい。
●POINTSは理由を書く際の参考となる観点を示したものです。 ただし,
これら以外の観点から理由を書いてもかまいません。
語数の目安は80語~ 100語です。
TOPIC
Today, many elementary school students have their own cell
phones. Do you think they should be allowed to take their cell
phones to school?

I think that they should not be allowed to take their cell phones to school for the following two reasons.
firstly, it is important for
Using smartphone
and as
don't Talk
For these
result
be
They decrease
Secondly, communicating with their friends.
Using smartphone in school mates
reasons
in school
allowed to
them
with their friends,
take
to
mentioned
their
concentrate to
contribute to
cheir
makes their bad
above,
are
not
grade.
I
a
concentrating to
Critical
because
classes.
believe
cell phone to school.
factors
they are
that
98
classes,
in school life..
into
game and
they should noy

Answer 1

✨ Jawaban Terbaik ✨

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❌ to concentrate to classes.
✅ to concentrate in class.
✅ to concentrate during classes.

_______________________________________________________________________

❌ using smartphone in school
✅ using one's smartphone in school
✅ using a smartphone in school
✅ the use of a smartphone in school

_______________________________________________________________________

✅ Using a smartphone in school contributes to not concentrating in class.
✅ Using a smartphone in school causes students to be less concentrated in class.
✅ Using a smartphone in school harms the concentration of students.
_______________________________________________________________________

❌❌ they decrease their grade

❌ I got good grades for my test.
✅ I got a good grade for my test.
❌ I got a good grade this year. ---> only one good grade in a whole year?
✅ I got good grades this year.

✅ The company decreased production. [他動詞]
✅ Unemployment decreased in 2023. [自動詞]
❌ they decrease their grades <-- intentional action
✅ their grades decrease [自動詞]

_______________________________________________________________________

🟠 Using a smartphone in school contributes to not concentrating in class, and as a result their grades decrease.
❓ their grades <--- whose grades ???
✅ Using a smartphone in school contributes to not concentrating in class, and as a result students' grades decrease.

✅ Using a smartphone in school harms the concentration of students, and as a result their grades decrease.
✅ students <---- their

_______________________________________________________________________

❌ Secondly, communicating with their friends are a critical factor in school life.
🧘 A gerund is always singular.
❌ communicating are ...
✅ communicating is ...
✅ <communicating with friends> is ...

🟠 Secondly, communicating with their friends is a critical factor in school life.
❓ their friends <--- whose friends ???
✅ Secondly, communicating with friends is a critical factor in school life.

_______________________________________________________________________

❌ Using smartphone in school
✅ Using a smartphone in school

❌❌ make their bad
✅ makes students bad at communicating

❌ they are into game
✅ they are into games

✅ because they are into games and don't talk with their friends.

✅ Using a smartphone in school makes students bad at communicating because they are into games and don't talk with their friends.
_______________________________________________________________________

🟠 For these reasons mentioned above, I believe that they should not be allowed to take their cell phone to school.
✅ For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that students should not be allowed to take their cell phones to school.
_______________________________________________________________________

✅ I hope this is helpful!

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ありがとうございます😭