Question

☺︎︎︎︎

英検準1級のライティング添削お願いします！🙇‍♀️

テーマとトピックは写真にあります。

書いた文章⤵︎ ︎

I think that they will buy more imported products in the future. I have two reasons.
First, the Japanese government import many kinds of products especially made in Asian countries.
It is because these are cheaper and more convenience than Japanese products.
Many people are hired low cost and creating many products, so we can buy imported products the low price.
Second, imported products are also becoming more globalized. There are many high quality products that are easy for anyone to use.
I think it is very kind both consumers and environment.
The better they are, the more people buy them.

こんな感じです。なかなか120~150語に増やすことが出来ないので、ライティングのコツなども教えて下さると助かります💦

Write an essay on the given TOPIC.
Use TWO of the POINTS below to support your answer.
.Structure: introduction, main body, and conclusion
Suggested length: 120-150 words
●Write your essay in the space provided on Side B of your
answer sheet.
Any writing outside the space will not be graded.
TOPIC
Do you think that Japanese consumers will buy more imported
products in the future?
POINTS
*Globalization
*Government policies
*Price
·Quality
NOOng
Shne
Jarh 19rd ble
ogion.bie
on inee

Answer 1

るぅ

文ごとに改行せずに、段落ごとに改行したほうがいいです。

It is because...で始まる文、convenienceは名詞です。形容詞はconvenientです。日本の製品よりmore convenientというのはどういう感じでしょうか？

Many people are hired...の文。
low cost はat low wages か、at low salaries などになります。
low price の前にもatが必要です。priceはpricesのほうがいいです。

最後2行目の文
it is both very kind to consumers and environment.
toを入れるといいです。

conclusionのまとめの段落を書いてはいかがでしょうか？

おおまかに見ました。

☺︎︎︎︎

ありがとうございますm(*_ _)m