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During my ninth-grade year, I suffered from anorexia nervosa. It was
2 METRELE
not enough to be
thin. I had to be the thinnest. Now, however, fully recovered, I can reflect Balki and tealize
that my wishes were more complex that fitting and size live pakes. Many of my subconstrólis)
emotions were related to my relationship with my father. As I was growing up, his work always
came first. Sometimes I would not see him for up to two weeks. Not only did he devote his
whole self to his work, but he expected me to do the same ("You cannot get anywhere unless
you go to the best universities!"). Though, consciously, I never felt pressure to please him, I
began dieting after the first time he told me I looked fat.
At the time, all I knew was that I had to be skinny-skinnier than anyone else. Every
month my father went to Europe for a week or so and on the days he left, sorrow and emptiness
consumed me: Daddy was leaving Then, I turned to focus on a mysterious weakness-
helpless childlike emotion that came from starving. I liked to know that I needed to be taken care
of; maybe Daddy would take care of me.
Domle bruari 2010 do
Now, two years later and thirty-eight pounds heavier, I have come to realize that I cannot
alter my father's inability to express his feelings. Instead, I must accept myself. I know that
I am a valuable person who strives to achieve and accomplish. But I cannot strive solely for
others. By starving, I attempted to gain pride in myself by obtaining my father's approval or
acknowledgment of my value as a person. But the primary approval must come from me, and I
feel secure now that I can live with that knowledge safely locked in my mind.onco vd vinog
2016
Collow
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